whoisbillw.

there's not really an easy way of saying this, so i'll just throw it out there: i have a drinking problem. it's a few months in the making, and i've nearly lost all control. but maybe that's the fluid painkillers talking: maybe i have lost all control. most of my friends and family would have never guessed, but it's painstakingly obvious to me. drinking started as a recreational thing, but it quickly evolved into a lifestyle. i suppose moderation is the key that i swallowed when i decided drinking could be used for any occasion.  i use it both for coping and for celebrating, and it's not healthy. which is weird, because it's extremely healthy. 

heyinternet.

old readers, new readers,
intentional clickers, accidental stumblers, welcome!
i haven't posted since school started,
but i'm hoping to change that soon.
"but hey, isn't this a post?"
ok yeah, but this doesn't count.
it's more of a filler than anything,
like a formal procrastination notice. :]
actually, no.
it's not just a filler.
i'm gonna make this one informative.
here's a little background to frame my next post,
watever that may be.

learningtosmile.

james, jesus' half brother, wrote a letter to twelve christian tribes who were scattered among the nations (vs. 1). the idea is that they were facing serious oppression and they were in dire need of some good old fashioned encouragement. james serves them a tall glass of this is how it is, saying to these poor and persecuted peoples that they should consider it pure joy when they face hardships (vs.2). while reading his letter, i'm sure this is the first of many times the tribes thought "but james, that's awfully silly." these people had been evicted from their hometowns, and through that process, all their dignity and possessions had been taken from them. silly indeed. and so it would be, if we quit right there. that's a very unsettling place to quit reading, so we choose to go on...

youhadtobethere.

wat kinds of pictures will you have in the photo albums that you show your kids?

lettersfromabasket.

the little lion
sat in a wicker basket
for a dozen years.

there he sat and watched
from his watchtower,
his safe wicker perch.

he could see the curve,
leaves and salt from east to west,
depth, from north to south.

rw&b.

nothing is quite as american as apple pie; that is, nothing except for freedom.

transparency2.

if you could send out a message to a large group of people. wat would you say?

transparency1.

have you done anything lately worth remembering?

slicedwhitebread.

during our walk, we chilled by the fountain at the church, and i was laying on the fountain itself while reading out of matthew 10. i had already highlighted it, but i looked at verse 16 and suddenly knew it's application to my life.

whenlifetakesover.

i miss blogging. it'll happen again, though, soon enough.

plumjuice.

here's my view from the smokers' bench!

threequarters.

i have a good 45 minutes of free time between classes right now, so i figured it'd be a great chance to write. first of all, here is my view right now:

dearwifey.

hey babycakes-

thebatmanparttwo.

"when a forest grows too wild, a purging fire is inevitable and natural."

i think this accurately portrays our pursuit of the american dream, and it's crazy seeing how consuming it is. man, i'm so guilty of looking at the rich and famous and wondering wat they did right in a past life. :b we're all seeking attention and we're willing to set pretty much anything on fire if it'll help our faces get recognized. i'm not pro-socialism, but i love the idea of everyone sharing everything so that there "are no needy people among us." dude, can you imagine if we actually lived like that? always being financially secure, never living in excess, tending to the orphans and widows, focusing on the things that both maintain and promote humanity. such a wild concept, but how far fetched is it really? it would require total, complete, no-exception interdependence between every single person within the community. it could start small, and grow bigger and bigger and it would become such an attractive way of life and i'm getting all excited thinking about it. :]

thebatmanpartone.

"you traveled the world. now you must journey inwards, to wat you really fear: it's inside you; there's no turning back. your parents death was not your fault. your training is nothing. the will is everything. if you make yourself more than just a man, if you devote yourself to an ideal, you become something else entirely. are you ready to begin?"

i've never gone the party, drug, or sex route, but i've had my fair share of false contentment, searching for things to give me purpose and happiness and strength and satisfaction. i've looked outward, thinking a relationship would fill my heart. i've turned to pity, feeding off the compassion and hospitality of others. i've tried the god route, praying that he would help me in times of need and leave me alone the rest of the time. nothing ever gave me a satisfying sense of fulfillment. so i turned inward, to myself, to my own strength. i starved myself of any outside influence, depending on the sand that i built my confidence on. i've searched out placebos, with no gains, but with a will like no other.

worthwhile.

"Do yourself a favor, and join me in a wedge salad."

pointless.

"i don't speak german, but i can if you'd like." that probably means something dirty. hmm.

if you're not one already, do you ever wonder wat kind of parent you'll be someday? the things you'll say, the things you'll spend your time on, the line where can no longer love your children... well that's a happy thought, let's start over. :] i've always flirted with this idea that i would starve my children of things like video games, television, and anything else that i don't personally find of value to society. i want my child to be surrounded by endless opportunities to grow, to find knowledge, to experience the world. but then msn presented me with an interesting video a few months ago. of course i can't find it now--cause that would be way too easy--but it talked about how parents need to let their children play, that schools must keep recess as a staple item in early education. why? well it's pointless, really.

the point of play is that it's pointless.

godmadesex.

i don't really know wat it's like to be something other than single. wat does it mean when you're in a "complicated relationship?" wat is a date like? wat's it like to be somebody's first kiss? wat's it like to be somebody's second kiss? as a single kid in college, it's hard not to wonder about the taken life, often deemed the "good life." of course it's good! god intended for males and females to hook up and have fun. not casually, of course, but he created relationships, so they ought to be freakin fantastic.

winterbreak2011.

it's almost weird calling it "winter break." it's less like winter and  more like jacket weather, and it's less like a break and more like a time to cram in hangout sessions. nevertheless, i've greatly enjoyed the past few weeks, mostly because of the quantity and quality of self-realization i've been exposed to.  in addition, i had the pleasure of reconnecting with my band friends over the past few days and i keep realizing how much they mean to me. the kids, of course, but also the environment that marching band sets up, a safe haven for creative living--this i also appreciate more and more each day. it's pretty incredible to see how an extra-curricular activity can shape and transform lives in such a dramatic fashion. marching band took me in as a self-conscious, shy, timid kid and kicked me out as a social leader ready to take on the world.