heyinternet.

old readers, new readers,
intentional clickers, accidental stumblers, welcome!
i haven't posted since school started,
but i'm hoping to change that soon.
"but hey, isn't this a post?"
ok yeah, but this doesn't count.
it's more of a filler than anything,
like a formal procrastination notice. :]
actually, no.
it's not just a filler.
i'm gonna make this one informative.
here's a little background to frame my next post,
watever that may be.

so basically i've been trying to write for the past two months
(i have a half dozen posts started and neglected a few sentences in)
but between a lack of both time and energy,
it hasn't happened.
in case that much wasn't obvious. :b
i haven't had a whole lot of down time to just chill and
think and
write and
explore and
express.
i' sure i could make some time to do such things,
but every time i've made time,
i simply don't have the energy or spirits to let my head flow.
which kinda sucks cause everything gets all pent up inside.
journaling too! i've even had a hard time writing out things
in a place that only my eyes will see.
in the past
i've been scared of my own thoughts, desires, but not now -
this isn't the case now.
it's been kind of eerie and irksome.
i like that word.
"irksome."
hmf.
so yeah, i'm not really sure wat's been going on
but it stops right here,
right now.
...
so it's gone, right?
i guess we'll see!
also,
sorry for all the scrolling you're doing right now.
#sorrynotsorry
;]
this is how my brain is phrasing things, and it's pretty much
the same way that i speak. convenient!
this format looks kind of poetic too.
makes me wanna say things like
"the crystalline surface of the shadows
emerged through the glorious, grinning moonlight,
as the thick hue of vanity purged the valley of it's innocence."
definitely putting that one on my gravestone.
tombstone more like, cause halloween is so freakin close
and i just love everything about fall and
pumpkins and
candy corn and
crispy air and
flannel pj's and
everything.

well that was interesting.
#tangentshappen

ok so yeah, if you choose to read my future posts, 

here's some context to keep in mind! 

life is great. it really is. i've been working really hard on a lot of different facets and interests in my life, including academic, physical, spiritual, social, and extracurricular health. i'm fully invested in my classes, i'm in the best shape of my life, i've been finding new passion for god's word, i'm finding new ways to invest in those around me, and i just landed a job at a local trapeze school. things are going quite well, and for me, it's so easy to neglect the maker of all good things when life is smooth and straightforward. we talk so much about remembering god when the going gets rough, and that's great but let us not forget that the same god who allows us experience defeat is the exact same freakin god who places golden pedestals under our feet. most importantly for me to remember is that god doesn't randomly lift people up. not at random times, not to random people. he's got a plan that spans all time and distance, and using these pedestals to fulfill our own insecurities and curiosities screws things up. not for him, but for us. that's wat i'm trying to remember as the weeks turn into days, the days to hours to minutes and seconds: that it is not my job to shine, but to reflect. my life is a journey of keeping my mirrors squeaky clean in hopes that the great light chooses to use me for his fame.

let the training begin.

!

[1 corinthians 9:24-27]