godmadesex.

i don't really know wat it's like to be something other than single. wat does it mean when you're in a "complicated relationship?" wat is a date like? wat's it like to be somebody's first kiss? wat's it like to be somebody's second kiss? as a single kid in college, it's hard not to wonder about the taken life, often deemed the "good life." of course it's good! god intended for males and females to hook up and have fun. not casually, of course, but he created relationships, so they ought to be freakin fantastic.

winterbreak2011.

it's almost weird calling it "winter break." it's less like winter and  more like jacket weather, and it's less like a break and more like a time to cram in hangout sessions. nevertheless, i've greatly enjoyed the past few weeks, mostly because of the quantity and quality of self-realization i've been exposed to.  in addition, i had the pleasure of reconnecting with my band friends over the past few days and i keep realizing how much they mean to me. the kids, of course, but also the environment that marching band sets up, a safe haven for creative living--this i also appreciate more and more each day. it's pretty incredible to see how an extra-curricular activity can shape and transform lives in such a dramatic fashion. marching band took me in as a self-conscious, shy, timid kid and kicked me out as a social leader ready to take on the world.

fifteenweeksofcollege.

i've made a lot of stupid decisions in my life. like getting a 56% on a final exam this morning. i imagine it was a conscious decision at some point to study or not to study. but i've also made quite a few good decisions in my eighteen years. the most recent of which included a gyro and chick-fil-a sauce:

substituting the tzatziki sauce on the gyro for chick-fil-a sauce. i challenge you to dislike the obnoxious goodness of this edible perfection. :] seriously, i'm sending up a suggestion to the cafeteria in heaven.

fourteenweeksofcollege.

they cuss. they smoke. they love jesus. and they're doin work.

i went to the orphanage in mexico for the second time, and to be honest, i wasn't terribly excited going into it. as much as i wanted to play with the kids there for hours on end, i wanted to make a difference in the orphanage that could extend into the community. i didn't see that as a probable outcome of that trip, but i decided to go anyway because i wanted to practice my spanish with the adults there. god has this funny way of presenting you with unique opportunities that you could never have guessed, almost as a way to say "hah!  i'm the freakin boss around here. don't tell me wat will and will not happen!" i am not impressed with that attitude most of the time, but he caught me at a good point in my life: it's like he knew wat i was thinking or something.

thehistoryofcancer.

"the history of cancer is changing course." i heard that on the radio last week. made me think about today.  how well did i live today? someday i'll know.

[1 peter 4:10]

thispassion.

we're just two artists,

chasing our dreams, hoping to be

found by the light someday. we feel

like we're standing in the wrong place,

even though it's where we ought to be. 

wat we can't understand is simply

a divine plan of sorts, one that's as visible

as the wind that fills our sails. the pirates

try to rob us of possessions that

weren't our to begin with. wat would a

dream be if it was handed to us?

the hands are willing and able, 

but they don't satisfy our fickle needs, not 

on purpose, only our deep-seeded needs

and desires, with great intention.

we don't understand the pattern of the waves

or the winds or the plates,

but we hold hope that these roots

will sprout someday, someday 

into something even more beautiful than 

this passion.

[luke 12:24]

elevenweeksofcollege.

defenestrate [dee-fen-uh-streyt] - v. - to throw (a person or thing) out of a window.

this past tuesday, i was asked if i smoked weed. he said he asked because my eyes are squinty all the time. kinda threw me off guard--i've never even seen an actual drug. but i was taken aback because i do my best to be intentional about how i listen, think, speak, and act, and i would have guessed that the people around me would have waived such a question. i've always been proud of my ability to relate to those who run lives that are radically different than my own, but it's a dangerous game that can lead to people-pleasing and compromising. have i been practicing what i'm preaching? i believe so. but maybe that's because i'm not really preaching anything at all. my greatest and only fear going into college was that i would find comfort. that i would learn to be ok with my surroundings. i want to preach a life that screams vision and action and progress. i'm not ok with being ok, and i never want to be.

beauty [byoo-tee] - n. - a meaningful design or pattern.

i'm a huge fan of finding beauty from ashes, and since we can only see a very small piece of life called the present, i'm an even bigger fan of letting god show me beauty from ashes. the last few weeks have truly opened my eyes to the extreme pains that individuals and groups face on a daily basis here in college. much of this pain is self-induced, but that fact is so insignificant in the grand scheme of things.  there is nothing beautiful about a girl who is abused by her boyfriend, or a guy who struggles to accept himself, but there is a divine beauty in knowing that hope is a real thing, and that it's attainable. it's nearly tangible, and it is a gift that relentlessly pursues those who need it. which would be all of is, in one way or another.